So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
