community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
