I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
