My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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