ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
