I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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