what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
