Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
