i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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