...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
