New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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