I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize