I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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