how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
