I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize