What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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