fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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