Come see our sink grown plant.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
