I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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