Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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