He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
