I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
