Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
