if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My feet surprised me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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