Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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