Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
