I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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