I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
