ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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