He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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