Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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