My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
