I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there was a trapeze. enough said
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
