RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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