I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
