...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
