I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
