i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
