New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
