I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
