And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
...so i touched it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
