Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize