If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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