There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
