Actions speak louder than pants.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
