i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
how drunk are you?
Several
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
