dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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