woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
