He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Randomize
