my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
