She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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