If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
