I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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