This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
