just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
