you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
