help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why do cheetos always look like penises
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
