My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
