R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
