apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
