Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
