I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
