I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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