I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
there is glitter all over my balls
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
