I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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