Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
