My room smells like vodka and shame
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
